Spectrum
by paulalou
Summary: Colour can say it all, Red for anger, Yellow for Cowards and blue for sadness. Why can’t life always be Pink tinted ? Why does life have to have Black days? Life should never be mousey Brown, especially when your in love and your name is Tonks. RLNT set
1. Chapter 1

* * *

**Yellow**

The street light flickered on outside the small apartment, it lit the dirty laminate flooring and the cracked and pealing paint in a putrid yellow glow, favoured by the sorts of people who lie to lurk in dark corners, hoods up and knife in hand. The stagnant air wound its way through the house, resting, heaping it's depression upon everything it touched. In the corner, an electric fan tried in vain to make living conditions better for the occupant of the veritable cesspit that passed its self of as a home.

Papers rustled gently in the small amount of breeze generated from the mundane appliance. Unread, unmarked bar the occasional half chewed mouse that rested on the pages, left by the fat black cat that sat lolling paws down over the edge of the large green arm chair that sat in pool of light.

It watches as it's owner stirs on the quickly rehashed sofa, quilted blanket under heavy head , the rhythmic breathing dispersing the dust that has long since settled in the unused house.

A car rounds the corner, its head lamps lighting up posters and an old guitar in the corner, smiling faces peer down on the blissfully unaware sleeper, watching through eyes that question why she has returned, where she has been and why they have become so neglected.

The cat stirs, ears erected and alert to a sound inaudible to the human ear, it's lamp like eyes turned towards not the door but the window, watching as the dark figure climes intrepidly up the old rusting iron fire escape. Heckles raised and claws outstretched ready to defend its owner the cat spits at the intruder.

On the sofa, a wand is drawn and pointed.

By the window, the cat jumps at a low barking growl emitted from the mouth of the man.

"Sirius, he's half your size."

"And he knows I'm only playing Nymph; now put the wand down before you do something that I'll regret."

Nymphadora Tonks lowered her wand and surveyed her cousin as he edged in to the darkness by the window frame. A flick of her wrist and the blinds fall down over the grimy glass.

"You're reflexes are getting slow, if I had been a death eater-"

"You would have been unconscious now, what do you want Sirius?" Tonks asked running her hand through her sleep flattened pink hair.

"Now is that any way to talk to your favourite cousin?" says Sirius stroking the black cat behind the ears.

"It's not as if you have much competition is it?" says Tonks raising a stitched eyebrow, to the dark figure as he slides in to the green chair.

"Nice to see you still think so highly of me."

"You're supposed to be in hiding or had you forgotten that, what will the order say if they find out you've been wandering?"

"The same as they usually do I should imagine whatever happened to your sense of fun Tonks, you used to have so much edge."

"Yeah well, you know some of us would like to live to see the other side of this stupid war." she said quietly getting up and heading to the kitchen, a small plastic bag lay on the counter top, she reached in to it and pulled out a bottle of milk. She tipped some in to a saucer and placed it on the floor.

"Cerberus, come on boy, milk."

The black cat flicked its tail at Sirius, turning twice on his lap before prancing across the floor.

"If I didn't like you so much cat, I would eat you." he said watching the animal indignantly scratch its claws on the rug.

"Jealousy?"

"Stupid thing eats better than I do." said Sirius, tons could almost detect the pet lip without looking at him.

"I still say all the solitary confinement isn't good for you." she said walking over and handing him a pumpkin pasty from her bag.

"It wasn't solitary confinement, well not until you and Moony went and started with this never coming to visit anymore." Sirius said sarcastically ripping in to his pasty.

Tonks took a bite out of her pumpkin pasty, well aware of the fact that the pasty was the last thing she felt like eating now. In fact, in that last sentence Sirius had completely removed any sort of appetite from her.

"I don't know why you're acting like such big kids, I mean if you're stupid enough to want to be with someone as boring as Remus, you either got to really be in to that whole book worm thing or severely need to check in to a healer."

"Remus is not a book worm, he's just clever. There's nothing wrong with liking books and logic."

Sirius smiled, leaning back in the chair as he devoured the last of the pastry.

"You are so easy to wind up you know that. I know Remus better than you could ever imagine Tonksy; I know he is no bookworm. Well not that much, and if it is any consolidation I agree with you thinking he is darn right out of order. I mean if someone half my age wanted to marry me I'd jump at the chance." he contemplated the sentence. "In fact, if anyone wanted to marry me, let alone come within a foot of an ex con, I would marry her in an instant, Moony will come around, and he always does."

Tonks looked across at her cousin; he shrugged giving her what she presumed he thought was a reassuring smile. It resembled the crazed look that had glared down at her from wanted posters at work for well over a year now.

"What did you really come here for?" she asked quietly. "Other than to tell me your best friend is delusional, that is."

He looked down at his hands, sighing and disturbing the heavy air, Cerberus stalked back across the room, rubbing his fur between Sirius fingers as he reached the man.

"I needed to get my head away from worrying about Harry, he's not right, I don't think the school is safe and I haven't seen Dumbledore in weeks…"

"Dumbledore knows what he's doing…"

"He trusts Snape, how is that knowing what he's doing? Tonks I don't think I can stay in that stupid house any longer."

"Well your going to have to, your not even supposed to be here." she said putting the uneaten pasty back in the packet minus a mouthful.

"Come back with me, at least that way I don't feel like the walls are caving in and stop me throttling Kreatcher." there was a pleading in his voice that made her inner calling stir.

She looked at him his eyes imploring her to return with her.

"Ok, ok but only if you travel as snuffles, I can't be bothered with a pack of Dementors, not in this mood we wouldn't stand a chance."

Sighing she summoned the bag from the kitchen where she had dumped it unopened. She had been living at her fathers for so long it seamed strange to think that most of her life was in one little bag.

When she turned back Cerberus had gone, due mainly to the presence of the large black dog that now stood on its back paws framed in the window.

"No snuffles, civilised people use the door."

The dog barked loudly.

"Oh sod of Sirius." Tonks said pushing the mutt to the door with her foot.


	2. Chapter 2

Green

Snuffles scratched hopefully at the door, Tonks watched until the disgruntled visage of her cousin took the dogs place.

"You are no fun at all." he said quietly pushing his way past her and up the stairs to the dingy dark lounge.

She looked down at her hands, they shook quietly to themselves, she could not think back to the last time she ate a full meal. It could be days ago, it felt like months. Her stomach gave a disgruntled grumbling in protest. However, food tasted stale in her mouth, the only substance that tasted true to itself was the water that she drank religiously from the tap in the kitchen.

Remus had only visited once in the time she had lodged here. His room lay empty, objects left as if waiting his immanent return.

She felt awful, she knew he had a job to do and she would never dream of stopping him, he wanted to do his bit and who was she to stand in his way. However part of her longed for him to fail, for him to come home to her and tell her the words she loved to hear whispered in the early morning meant for no one but her.

Her hand moved gently over her goose bumped skin, reassuring herself that she was still alive.

She quietly got to her feet from the bottom step where she had placed herself as Sirius had tried to amuse her in his somewhat juvenile way.

When she walked in to the lounge, it was to find Sirius in conversation with someone in the emerald gleam of the fire.

Her stomach clenched as she gazed over the back of the chair. Remus's head floated in the eerie glow. His eyes flicked to hers for barley more than a second, but she could see it their, burning deep behind the sunken eyes. She knew the look well it was the same one that she wore when she thought of him, as she lay alone upstairs.

Remus made his excuses and she watched as his face flickered out of existence.

The tight knot in her stomach lifted but the heavy pain in her chest remained, pressing in on her like the weight of the world bearing down. When Sirius asked her, later on, why she kept clinging to her chest she would tell him it felt like part of her was missing. Something she never realised she had given up was gone.

Sirius looked up at her from the threadbare rug, his eyes a mixture of pity and anger.

"He doesn't look good does he." it was a statement not a question. It was true he did not look good, and Tonks had seen him in all phases of the moon. Whatever it was that he had been sent to do was not good for him. She just wished that he would tell her what it was.

She sank down in to the armchair, pulling her knees in to herself and resting her head between them. Sirius looked at her for some time before climbing in to the chair next to her.

"He does love you; you just have to give him some time that's all." Sirius rested his head on her shoulder nudging her gently with his fore head. Through the tears, she could make out his slightly dog-eared grin. "He's a good boy he'll come home when he's called for."

Tonks shot out a hand and dug Sirius hard in the ribs.

"Ok, maybe I deserved that." he said rubbing the impact spot. "But I'm right and you know I am."

She stared at him, somehow he always knew what to say eventually, it might not always be at the right time but when he got it right…

"Thanks." she said putting the extended arm around her cousin and resting her head next to his.

"No problem, I told you I'm here for you." he sighed. "It's not like I have anyone else is it?"

The green flame flickered across the room highlighting the sunken features of the Black house.

It seamed so long ago that the sound of happy voices had rung around the halls. However, even they had been tainted, why was everything tainted. There was nothing easy.

After a short while the pain in her chest lessened, her breathing returned to normal and the tears seamed to stop flowing. Sirius sat in silence, waiting for her to make the first move.

"I just miss him." she whispered quietly.

Sighing Sirius pulled her back in to a bone-breaking hug.

"He knows. I know he knows. He has to do what he has to do, as do we all." he pushed his hair back from his face and looked her directly in the eyes. She knew this was not her fight, this was all there fight, she just wished it did not have to be there fight all on her own.

"You have work to do, leave a bitter twisted fool to destroy himself." he shoed her to her feet.

"You missed the old bit!" she said sarcastically over her shoulder.

The growl followed her up the stairs to her room.

* * *

The light of the fading sun lit the room, the one down from Remus's abode. She opened the closet and pulled out emerald robes, they seamed appropriate. Maybe she should change the colour of her hair to match; she thought twice then ignored it.

She traced the outline of her chain through the material of her t-shirt; it brought back day trips to Muggle London and history lessons from one of the only teachers that she had ever had the predisposition to take any notice of.

He had given her the trinket as they had waited outside one of the old buildings in the heart of London. She wore it hung around her neck to hold it close to her heart.

She checked her reflection in the dusty mirror wiping away the tear that she had not even noticed falling. The empty feeling weighed heavily in her chest. She breathed deeply letting out a rattling sigh as the traitorous breath escaped from her mouth.

* * *

As she arrived at the Ministry, she struggled to hold herself together. Arthur Wesley greeted her I the atrium, unable to talk freely in the lift, an air of toper most secrecy was in place over the order. She followed him out the lift and along to his tiny deserted office.

Arthur checked the corridor before propping the door closed with a muggle fire extinguisher devoid of its functioning parts, which lay scattered across the desk.

"Any news?" he asked gently unsure where to look as the water began leaking from her eyes.

"He's alive, Snuffles talked to him this morning." she said quietly staring down at her hands. Sirius had talked to him but as soon as he had seen her he left did he not want to talk to her? Was that it?

Arthur placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Don't tell me he will be ok, because we both know that he's got the hardest job of all of us hasn't he? He's persecuted wherever he goes, no one trusts him because of what he is…"

"A genuine caring individual?" said Arthur sitting on the edge of the desk.

Tonks sniffed heavily, it was hard to talk about it, there was so much wrong with the basic principle of the two of them being together.

"I should go." she said taking a step towards the door.

"You know he does love you."

Tonks paused hand on the rusty red extinguisher.

"Really? Cause he has a funny way of showing it."


End file.
